Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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