I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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