in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize