the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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