Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
