He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
