Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
