Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
