She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
