Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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