Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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