My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
