I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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