Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm really busy with my period
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