so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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