My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
