awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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