Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
