mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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