Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
