What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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