she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
