I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
