my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
