"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
