Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
