home. puking in laundry basket.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
