Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
