Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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