Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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