this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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