somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize