So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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