please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
