I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
