I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
