My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
