Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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