are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
