you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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