i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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