i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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