just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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We are all done wearing pants today
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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