Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
