Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
