Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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