well I can't set my house on fire every night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
