ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
