I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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