Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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