like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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