I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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