I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
