I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
