Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
