Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize