I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
