I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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