I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
