At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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