I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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