he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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