Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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